So I had my little woe is me rant again on Friday. I'm just convinced, for real this time, I'll never have a real, real relationship. And I'm sure I'll never get married, never have kids. So, I'm just gonna have a good cry about it and move on, at some point. I'll still try to be the best me I can be, till the second coming. I'm gonna have to go back and immerse myself in the church, and work, and hopefully other things soon.
But I think what's making this all so much worse, and what I just realized, but I've always thought about it. Almost everyone I know, even those I don't even care about anymore, even those I can't stand, are in relationships. Most married, too. And I've always thought that getting married, and having kids, were two of my life-long goals/dreams. And it's frustrating when people who don't even deserve to be with anyone, let alone have kids, have what I want. What is wrong with me that I can't even have one relationship? What is wrong with me that I can't even get past the first date with someone?
I am now officially swearing off guys/men/the male species. I don't wanna deal with anyone on any other level than friendship. It's just too heartbreaking, and it hurts too much. My heart, and my emotions can only get stomped on so many times. I'm not allowing any other guy to wipe his dirt off on me, so he can find someone else to be with.
No more. Not gonna do it. Gonna dedicate myself to my job, and getting healthy, and getting the things I want, non-relationship related.
Why does this crap have to be so hard and hurtful?