Same script, different month

So things are getting a little bit better on the jobfront. I'm shocked it's going by so fast. At my first job, those first 6 months were brutal. And then once I switched over to nightside, it flew by.

I've decided I only want to have to take the GRE twice. I'm gonna take it once to see how I do, and then take it again, to send to schools, and hopefully start on my Master's in Spring 2010. I'm shooting for an online program, and my top choice, looks like I could actually start in the fall. Hopefully I can find a job back home to start getting some experience, and then really apply for the jobs I want.

Anywho, back to the present, I'm fighting sleep, to get my apartment in order, and eventually wash my hair. Worked 6 days this week, and it'll be worth it, when I see my direct deposit next week.

Like I told someone earlier today, I'm so excited about the possibilities, I can't wait to get started, and finish everything, so the life I desire can begin!

Love...I think I know what I'm missing, unfortunately

I was trying to think of what to title this post, and Keyshia Cole's song popped into my head.

Side note: I originally was trying to keep this blog about my career journey, because I wanted people I knew to read this blog, but I didn't want them knowing all my business.

So just the career piece of the pie that is Tiffani is boring, so I've opened up.

Now, back to the subject at hand. I'm in a new city, new state. Back to working crazy hours. I've met a few people since I moved, but it's difficult when you work hours opposite from the rest of the world.

Sooooo.... I'm just doing time until I get to a place I wanna be, location and career-wise (which would be preferably home in Dallas, and in a slightly different field).

But it always pains me to see people who, I know it's not right and not Christ-like to say it, but they're beneath me. I'm a good woman, a Christian, I have a good job, no kids, but I cannot find a man, who doesn't only want sex. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way, but it seems like it. I'm always in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

When will my Prince Charming come along and sweep me off my feet?

I had to edit this post to add something. How is it I can have so many male friends, and supposedly all the guys that want me, who live in other states, but I never find one in my urrrea?

Loooooooooooooooong time, no blog

Well, I guess I'm dusting off the old blog. I didn't think it'd still be here. Between MySpace, Facebook, and now Twitter, I just didn't have a reason to come back. Plus my laptop finally gave up on me, so I've just been accessing the Internet from work, and you should know, doing personal stuff at work should be limited. But there's no reason really for me to abandon my blog either. I've got a new laptop, almost a week old, and I'm ready to get back to it.

So I've actually moved on to a bigger place. Been here for a couple of months, back on the graveyard shift. Not the best experience right now. I didn't feel like I was properly trained, and of course, that just happens to be my fault, no one else's *insert eye roll here*

In the past I've only considered leaving the business, or switching over to PR, in the back of my mind, but this whole situation has me seriously considering it. I swore I'd NEVER, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER go back to school. Never wanted to crack a book except for fun. Now I'm considering getting my Master's in PR, and moving to a sector that has better hours, MUCH BETTER pay, and better job security. But at 27, I feel like I'm starting all over again. But people say I'm still young, (just met a woman today that said I was still a baby, and that I had a babyface) not married, I have no kids, no relatives to take care of (I do want a Yorkie though, shhh don't tell Miss Pookie) so I think I'll go for it.

Now we'll just see if I can get all of my application materials ready by July, for the program of my choice:)

I'm Getting Old

Don't know why this was depressing, but I went to look up a player for the Dallas Cowboys, noticed he was younger than I, then proceeded to count every single player that was younger than I. 29. 29 professional football players in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex are younger than I am.

That is all.

Woe is me............again

So I had my little woe is me rant again on Friday. I'm just convinced, for real this time, I'll never have a real, real relationship. And I'm sure I'll never get married, never have kids. So, I'm just gonna have a good cry about it and move on, at some point. I'll still try to be the best me I can be, till the second coming. I'm gonna have to go back and immerse myself in the church, and work, and hopefully other things soon.

But I think what's making this all so much worse, and what I just realized, but I've always thought about it. Almost everyone I know, even those I don't even care about anymore, even those I can't stand, are in relationships. Most married, too. And I've always thought that getting married, and having kids, were two of my life-long goals/dreams. And it's frustrating when people who don't even deserve to be with anyone, let alone have kids, have what I want. What is wrong with me that I can't even have one relationship? What is wrong with me that I can't even get past the first date with someone?

I am now officially swearing off guys/men/the male species. I don't wanna deal with anyone on any other level than friendship. It's just too heartbreaking, and it hurts too much. My heart, and my emotions can only get stomped on so many times. I'm not allowing any other guy to wipe his dirt off on me, so he can find someone else to be with.

No more. Not gonna do it. Gonna dedicate myself to my job, and getting healthy, and getting the things I want, non-relationship related.

Why does this crap have to be so hard and hurtful?

Saturdays are good

So I woke up Saturday, thinking for the most part it was gonna be a pretty boring day. I went back and started tutoring my kiddies again. I had 2 new 2nd graders. They were cute. They started out not being very combative with the work. But my little girl didn't want to move on past math. And my little boy decided he would draw a guy with his eye shot out, as decoration for his notebook.

So I started this post on October 7. Don't even remember why the rest of it was good, but it was. I just don't remember why. I think I went to a game, and it was a good game, even though we lost. I think.

A Happy Medium?

So.........I vented to one of my friends about my last male species issue.....and he told me something that I never thought of before. I divulge too much personal information, and I do it too soon. Idk. I'm a journalist, I talk. And I like to be completely honest and open. Because I would want someone to show me the same respect. But on the flip side, it seems if one is too secretive, not willing to be open, "playing hard to get," then the guy also seems not interested. So what's the happy medium? What can you tell, how soon can you tell it and why do ya'll immediately want to move to sex? If ya'll don't want a relationship, why don't you just be upfront and say, "all I want is sex?" It's really just that simple. If you're talking to a real, mature woman, then you can tell the truth. She'll either take it and still deal with you, or she'll take it and she won't. 'Cause she doesn't have the desire to waste her time on someone who doesn't want what she wants.

So.....a lesson for the men. The REAL men, and those that want to be real men; tell the truth, ALWAYS. Be honest, ALWAYS. Be upfront and straightforward, ALWAYS. Because when you're "spittin' game," to a woman that doesn't have time to deal with it, you're only turning a good woman into a bad one, thinking all men are dogs.

It's better to have loved and lost.....

than never to have loved at all? Is it really though. Does it make sense to put yourself through something, especially if you know the outcome is going to hurt you, than to just sit there and be lonely and miserable? All of this stems from a weekend encounter. Someone who claimed they were so into me, talking about all sorts of things, about me "adopting" them, but the minute something happens, they act like you never existed.

I've been through this before, several times, so why do I put myself through it again? I told my friend "because I'm lonely and the closest person who seems to want me is more than 6 hours away." And he says something I never really thought of before, and it's hard to choose. Choose the lesser of the two. Lonely or Hurt. How do I choose between being lonely and miserable and not having any real friends here at all.........or meeting someone, thinking it would work out b/c we were cool on the phone?

I know, if you've ever read more than just this one post, you must be tired of me reading about how I think my appearance is hindering my career and love life. But I really think it is. And you know what? Getting "advice" and the "you should do something about it's" don't help from people who have never been in my situation, so thanks, but you have no clue what it's like. But Idk if I might also be scared to change it. I feel like other flaws will come out, or then also, I might be judged solely on my looks, which I already am, but I've seen the attention the "skinny" chicks get, I definitely don't want that, cuz I'm not exactly nice about it, with the little attention I do get. But seriously Idk if I could handle it, and I don't think I want to.

But we'll see....I will now have a free gym membership thanks to my apt. complex, but unfortunately they decided 3 months after I started paying at the other gym, to switch their contract. So.......I'm sure I'll have to pay early termination fees.

And on another high note.....www.peekyou.com is a wonderful site. I found my best friends from elementary and junior high, and high school on myspace, so I'm reconnecting, trying to only deal with people who are there through the thick and thin, no matter what.